I read a blog today written by one of my favorite authors (Angie Smith)
called "The Mender."
As I read the words that she wrote, my heart pounded, somewhat
in relief that someone else has felt what I have been
feeling for so long
and also with loving conviction that I have allowed these
feelings to control who I am for such a long time!
The more I read, the more I found myself living in the words of her blog.
My tears won't stop even as I type right now
because today I will begin to be mended by the mender!
I'm so thankful that
the Lord see's my heart, he see's each and every one of our hearts
and he knows our prayer, even when we can't the find words to pray, he already knows...
The other night I knelt silently on my knees, not sure of what to say or how to say it,
but the Lord heard my
heart's cry
and he has come to my rescue once again.
I want to share a little from the blog that I read this morning by Angie Smith....
For most of my life I’ve been desperate to know I was good enough, and they (the crowd, people around me) were the ones that told me.
You can ever really be mended when your eyes are searching theirs. Maybe you’ve found this to be true in your own life as well.
You’ve asked the others to make you beautiful, to make you brave, to convince you that your brokenness is curable with praise.
But deep down, you’ve always known better.
Flesh will fail us, and we are left with the bruises.
Who is it you’ve been looking to? A spouse? A parent? Siblings, friends, co-workers?
The list goes on.
And we are weary of the journey, aren’t we?
Leave the mending to the Mender, love.
He wants you to be mended, to be whole, to be fully aware of His impossibly perfect love for you.
You will learn there is only one voice that matters after all, and it’s the one you’ve been looking for in every other face you’ve met.
~Angie Smith
I have always said that I am a "pleaser" by nature, I long to make people happy,
I desire to please and I want to be accepted.
We all do!
After reading Angie's blog this morning,
I realized that what I am actually feeling is the fear of disappointing someone.
The feeling that I’m not enough, or that I’ve failed someone.
I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to make people happy,
like I said I love to make people happy!
I am saying that it's not a good thing when we are consumed by it
and our own lives are
controlled by everyone else's happiness.
When we are so busy making life choices based on what they will think of us
rather than what HE will think of us,
we will become broken, we will loose our selves
because we will never measure up or please absolutely everyone!
You will learn there is only one voice that matters after all, and it’s the one you’ve been looking for in every other face you’ve met. ~Angie Smith
I'm a piece of clay on your wheel of pottery today
I come to you broken in each and every way
Replace my will with yours God and take away this doubt
though my flesh is weak
Your spirit is strong, I'll get through this trial
You create in me a mind like yours and put me in your will
When I'm a broken vessel and when I am standing still
~Rachael Neville
Psalm3:3 But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
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